


Unlisted

by aroacewritingplace



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: (kind of), Boys Kissing, Car Sex, Dating, Established Relationship, Grinding, Kissing, M/M, Porn, Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, but Not totally compliant, do y'all remember the Adult Film peter watched?, is discussed, this is not entirely porn please friends let me live, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 11:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20620640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroacewritingplace/pseuds/aroacewritingplace
Summary: If Harley hadn't brought up Europe, Peter wouldn't have brought up Germany. And if he hadn't brought up Germany, Happy wouldn't have brought a certain incident up. But if Happy hadn't brought that up, then Peter wouldn't be where he is now. So it's kind of Harley's fault, but Peter doesn't really mind.





	Unlisted

**Author's Note:**

> https://pepperony3000.tumblr.com/post/187669063395/tnystarks-remember-when-we-went-to-germany-and  
ok so yeah basically! partially blame @superstitious for this one guys but also this was super funny to write lol. please enjoy this wackass drabble

“I’m so jealous you got to go to all those places,” Harley groaned, leaning back in his chair. The server came forward and took away both of their plates, and mentioned coming back with the check. “I can’t believe that just because I started two months late, I couldn’t get on the roster. So unfair.”

“I wish you could’ve come with me,” Peter sighed. “It would have been really nice.”

“What, to have another hero over there while you fought Beck?” Harley asked, eyebrows raising.

Peter shook his head, and the server dropped the check in front of him. “No, just because maybe we could have, you know, started going on dates a little sooner.”

“Oh,” Harley’s lips rounded, blushing slightly as he took the check from Peter’s side and put the card Tony had given them on top of the bill, handing it to the server without looking away from Peter for more than a second. “Yeah, that would have been nice. Really nice.”

Peter sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “Just once I’d like to be in Europe without having to fight someone. Just traveling, that’d be nice.” His phone buzzed, and he looked down. “Oh, shoot, hey Happy’s outside.”

“Yeah, I got the text too,” Harley said. The card came back, and Harley put it back in his wallet. He stood up, reaching his hand out to Peter. “Ready to go.”

It felt like a zap of electricity, taking Harley’s hand. Peter still couldn’t believe that they were doing this now, that this was a real thing that was happening. Two dates in, and he was still just as flustered as he was when Harley first asked him out on a date three weeks ago. He was still just as nervous to kiss Harley as the first time he had done it, midway through watching a movie in the common room.

He did it anyways, leaning over to kiss the corner of Harley’s mouth before they reached Happy’s car.

Harley’s face lit up in a smile, but his eyes seemed slightly distracted. “Wait, you’ve been to Europe before?” he asked. “Are you serious? I haven’t been out of the country once but you’ve been to Europe  _ twice _ ?”

“Well, the first time was to fight Captain America. And the other rogue Avengers,” Peter said wryly as he got in the car. “I wasn’t really there for very long, though.”

“You were there long enough to rent an adult film,” Happy commented from the driver’s seat.

Harley’s head swiveled sharply, eyes landing on Peter’s bright-red face. “I’m sorry, you did  _ what _ now?”

“Happy I thought we weren’t going to talk about that!” he said, trying not to choke at the sudden revelation, trying to contain the swell of embarrassment after what Happy had just revealed.

“Oh, no, we’re definitely talking about this now.” Harley leaned forward, in between the partition. “Happy,  _ please  _ tell me more.”

“Oh my god,” Peter groaned, leaning in the backseat. “Please do not.”

Happy, thankfully, was not a very long storyteller. “We had a lot of time before Peter had to meet with Tony, so I left him alone in his hotel room while I ran some quick errands. When I picked up the bill for the hotel the next day, there was an extra charge on there. Even though it wasn’t titled, the price alone told me it was an adult film.”

Harley was cackling, leaning back and clutching his stomach.. “I didn’t know it cost money!” Peter blurted, still covering his face with his hands. “I thought that the hotel was going to pay for it or something. I’ve never been in a hotel before!”

“Well, word to the wise, Peter,” Happy said dryly. “In most hotels, breathing costs extra. They’ll charge you for anything. Especially adult films.”

“So what was the title?” Harley asked, wiggling his eyebrows at Peter.

Peter both hated and loved how that small movement set his whole body on fire. He pretended not to notice Happy’s noise of disgust and the glass partition closing. “Um.”

It probably wouldn’t have been that weird to talk about this when they weren’t going on dates together, but now that they were it seemed that anything remotely suggestive said seemed to set off a spark in the air between them, and though the two hadn’t done much more than kiss that didn’t stop Peter from imagining more. A lot more.

Harley seemed to realize this too, and heavy silence fell between them for a few moments as both boys sat with blushing cheeks.

Harley turned then, lowered eyes meeting Peter’s. He leaned in close, breath warm against Peter’s ear as he whispered, “Y’know, you could always just show me what the porn was about. Instead of telling me.”

Peter choked, eyes flaring wide. His heartbeat felt like it increased tenfold in the second it took to turn to face Harley again. He didn’t move for a moment, unsure of what might happen next. A hundred possibilities leaped through his mind, but none of them were prepared for Harley to speak again.

“Or I can show you instead.”

Peter blinked, and leaned in.

Neither of them seemed to have a clear idea of who was taking the lead. The few kisses shared before this had left them with little experience between each other, but Peter felt his seatbelt click and retract before Harley’s legs were crowding either side of him, the other one’s face completely filling his vision before Peter remembered to shut his eyes. Harley kissed him fully, licking at the inside of his mouth and drawing back slightly to bite at Peter’s bottom lip. Peter lifted his chin up to meet him more fully, the cramped backseat making it difficult but not impossible for Peter to lift his hands up and grab Harley’s shirt collar, pulling him even closer than they already were. Harley groaned against his mouth, and Peter felt the upward curve of a smile before Harley moved his hands up toward the collar of Peter’s shirt.

He briefly pulled back from Peter’s mouth to whisper in Peter’s ear again. Peter shivered, a combination of Harley’s words and the scrape of teeth along the shell of his ear. Harley’s fingers popped open the first button on Peter’s shirt, then the second. Peter reached up to reclaim Harley’s lips with his own, taking care not to rip the button’s off Harley’s shirt as he loosened the green tie, pulling it out from around Harley’s neck and deftly unbuttoning the first few buttons.

Peter was a mixture of aroused and fearful all at once. But they were probably fine back here, he reasoned. Besides, it wasn’t too long before they reached the Tower, so they’d probably just get out and-

Harley’s hips began moving, shifting and weaving against Peter’s and Peter suddenly forgot how to breath as Harley began to press open-mouthed kissed down his jawline. One of Harley’s hands grabbed his, bringing it up to the back of his head where his hair curled at his neck. “Here,” he whispered against the side of Peter’s neck, manually curling Peter’s finger’s in the blond strands. Peter’s head tilted back at the sensual kiss near the column of his throat and, without meaning to, pulled at the blond locks.

“Oh, fuck, sorry,” he said hoarsely, but the noise Harley made against his skin sent a shudder through his body. “Oh,” Peter realized, eyes falling shut and fingers tightening around the back of Harley’s scalp again.

Harley moaned again, louder this time. Peter was lost in the feeling of Harley’s hands on his shoulders, mouth on his collarbone, hips pressing against his. 

“No, there’s no way you two are having sex in the back of this car. Harley, get off Peter right now and Peter, put your seatbelt back on right now before I purposefully crash us into oncoming traffic.” Happy’s voice came through a speaker, an intercom connected from the front of the car to the backseat.

Peter’s eyes shot open. “Oh, fuck,” he said. “Oh my god.”

He couldn’t tell if Harley’s cheeks were flushed from their kissing or embarrassment, but he pulled himself off Peter. The sudden rush of cold air onto his lap left Peter shivering again. “Hey, he’s probably seen a lot worse. Didn’t he use to be Tony’s bodyguard?” Harley murmured. 

“Yeah but this means that Mr. Stark is probably going to hear about it,” Peter groaned. “He is not ever going to let this go.”

“Yeah, but I’ll take the blame.” Harley’s hand had found his, and his thumb rubbed gentle patterns into the side of Peter’s hand. “I kind of started it, after all.”

Peter found himself saying thank you in the same breath that he exhaled against Harley’s lips, leaning forward across the backseat to get more contact from him, more of his skin against Peter’s.

“I mean it, put your seatbelt back on, because otherwise when you’re in the hospital I’m going to have to explain to May how we all ended up there.”

Peter instantly drew back, clicking his seatbelt across his body. Harley laughed, leaning his shoulder against Peter’s.

“Oh, by the way, I was thinking about that adult film,” Harley said a few minutes later.

Peter glanced at him without turning his head. “What, while you were in my lap?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Harley said, waving his hand. “I multitask. You had a phone there, right? Why didn’t you just open up a website or something? Instead of using the hotel’s television?”

Peter opened his mouth, then closed it. Harley apparently took his non-answer as enough of one, because his laughter filled the car for the rest of the blessedly short ride back home.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a new tumblr!! yeehaw-parkner is the name, and yeehawing is my game  
plse kudos and comment, let me know why I should not be allowed to write ever again because honestly? i agree.  
thanks for reading lol


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